Two months on being home

Its been over two months now since I have returned home and have got back into reality, well the reality where I now have to work to pay my bills and pay my own way. Things haven't been so straight up and smooth sailing, and I don't know why I thought they would have been. Most of my friends that I left behind here to go travelling, are still left behind, and those that I love dearly appear to me at times to be making it harder for me to fit back in. Maybe I don't fit in anymore, and my positioning in the hierarchy of things has slipped down a notch or ten. Like they say, use it or loose it. I disappeared for nearly a year to follow a dream and to give myself the opportunity to be my own person, and during that time new people have come into the lives of my friends of which they have now asserted their dominance. In fact I on my first evening back into Sydney an old friend gave me attitude and proceeded to tell me how unexcited they about me being back. And only recently I have been told how I'm not wanted around.

So it has been a further growth period for me as I spend my time actively finding a place for myself, and not spending my time worrying about others. So far I have done that and have easily created a new life for myself that has included finding a new place to live, slowly getting into my favourite physical activities such as walking and swimming, enrolling into a Spanish course for beginners (now in week five), and strengthening the relationship I have with those friends who do want me around and appreciate me for who I am.

Work itself has been a drag. After two months I am still without a position at work. Day after day I have been coming back into the office and sitting at a desk passing the time playing on the Internet. I did apply for a vacant position that was in an area that I have been trying to get into for years, but last week found out I was unsuccessful and the job had been given to an external applicant. I have tried way to many times to get into this area and I have the skills and have proven myself over the years, so I'm not taking this lying down. I have gone through the Banks guidelines for the interview panel and have found a number of deficiencies in the process conducted by them. I have as of today formally written to H.R about this and plan on taking it as far as I can.

This could be the last sign that here is not where I am suppose to be. My extensive time off to travel was to allow me to see if there was bigger and better things out there for me, and if Sydney is truly where I am suppose to be. If it wasn't for the mortgage I could easily leave tomorrow and head back to my home away from home....San Francisco. I miss it there, I miss all of my friends there, and I miss being welcomed there. But things just need time to get better here. Its only been two months and all good things take time and come to those who wait, or so they say. I will keep going with my walking, swimming, Spanish classes and fighting for what I believe rightfully should have been mine here at work.

My friend Dan recently begun his travels too. He is off for four months covering a number of continents. His travels can be followed by visiting his blog. By following his trip on-line and seeing him with my friends that i put him in contact with makes me jealous that I'm not there with him.