Three weeks and who's counting?.......I am!

Todays the day when three weeks ago I had that last cigarette. I admit I have had a puff or two along the way of someone else's, but all it did was to remind me why I wanted to stop. Firstly it didn't taste good. That was the first thing I noticed and I thought to myself YUCK. Secondly the almost instant heaviness of my chest as thought my lungs were once again laden with the cancerous product. And then thirdly was the guilt, I felt as though I had cheated myself by having those drags from another persons cigarette. But of course I justified it by saying what I just said, that it just reminded me of why I was giving up.

It hasn't been as hard as other times in the past when I said 'enough is enough'. The cravings have been quite easy to control, unlike the constant shoveling of food down my throat. Yep the old compensation for having the smoke, food, has been on top of my list these days. There is no such thing for me as just a half size meal when I know I don't need a big meal. And what's worse, in the States is that there is no such thing as a small meal. Don't think I'm joking here. Yesterday I had lunch with my new day time play mate, Angelo. We went for lunch down at the Marina. I ordered a Salmon Cobb Salad and he ordered something that I cant remember the name off. When the meals came out mine was over flowing the enormous bowl it was in while Angelo's was less than half the size with half of that being wedges. I ate all my meal and then proceeded to pick of the remaining wedges from Angelo's plate that he couldn't eat. I kept telling myself that most of my meal was just lettuce leaf, but it didn't override the fact that I was full and yet still shovelling food in as though I was storing up for a long winter.

If that is the case then my winter layers are well and truly showing. I can see it in my face, I can feel it when I put my jeans on, I can just feel it and, I feel uncomfortable. But the cigarette cravings aren't really there and in the long run that is what is important. I'm less likely to have a stroke or get diabetes from being slightly 'chubby' over the next month or so.

There is a struggle there for me and I'm sure I have a long way to go before it becomes a more distant thing in the past, but I promised myself years ago that I would give up by the time I was 35 and with that only a few months away I can say with assurance that I'm going to make it, and that is one thing that I am proud of.

So I know I'll come home with a debt form these ten months off work and there's a possibility that I wont fit into my size 32 jeans, but I did what I said I would do and I hope that earns me some bownie points.